


Let Your Heart Go

by abyss_valkyrie (Technomancer28)



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Alternate Universe - Fashion & Models, Coming Out, Fluff, Friendship, M/M, Male Models, Modeling, Romance, rsgames2017
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-11-19
Updated: 2017-11-19
Packaged: 2019-01-26 23:37:37
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 10,266
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12568744
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Technomancer28/pseuds/abyss_valkyrie
Summary: R/S Games 2017 - Day 27 - Team SiriusSirius hadn’t gone in with stars in his eyes at the promise of a glamorous future as a fashion model. But in time, the stars had come. When he met Remus Lupin, it took everything in him not to let his heart go though, was there ever a choice?





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> **Team:** Sirius  
>  **Title:** Let your heart go  
>  **Rating:** T  
>  **Warnings:** Hints of homophobia  
>  **Genres:** Romance, friendship, fluff  
>  **Word Count:** 9600  
>  **Summary:** Sirius hadn’t gone in with stars in his eyes at the promise of a glamorous future as a fashion model. But in time, the stars had come. When he met Remus Lupin, it took everything in him not to let his heart go though, was there ever a choice?  
>  **Notes:** I couldn't make it as angst-ridden as I had hoped to, but my heart was set on the modelling idea very much inspired by the video. Thanks a lot to Ros and Arty for the helpful suggestions, beta work and helping me with this fic. There's a bit of overlapping of gen characters but only a little. :D  
>  Little explanation, as all my idea is from research, so if there’s any technical mistake, it’s solely mine. I use the word ‘casting’ a lot which is just a visual interview for models to get selected for a particular work. An ‘editorial’ is a story told through fashion, [basically like this](http://alanagkelly.blogspot.com/2009/11/fairy-tale-inspired-fashion-editorials.html).  
>  **Prompt:** #68 - song: ["Wind in the Wires" by Patrick Wolf](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CppK9ZfE-cI) (link to YouTube video)

Sirius was young when he had been scouted by Amelia Bones from Holyhead Models. He hadn’t gone in with stars in his eyes at the promise of a glamorous future; the stars had come later, much later.

He was barely eighteen years old with A’s on his certificate when school was over too soon and too quick for him to hold on to the vestiges of youthful innocence. As if his time at Hogwarts filled with memories both beautiful, cruel and life-changing had not been years but only days.

Truthfully, Sirius had always thought that he would magically find an inner compass of some sort to show him where to go next. If he had found it, it was definitely a wonky one; some days Sirius wanted to be a firefighter, other days he pictured himself as a stern surgeon. He’d also researched how to become a _real_ alchemist on the net but that might have been a result of alcohol and desperation. 

He had been shuffling through university prospectuses, wondering if maybe a gap year would help; his trust funds would hold him for a while. He could go to Hawaii, learn to swim, maybe even tend a bar for a…job experience. Something like that. It was inexplicably difficult to be lost at a time when all his friends were already setting up for the next three years into the future.

This was when Amelia Bones had found him and finally set his drifting life on course. Pushing up her sunglasses to reveal a face with a pink smile, Amelia had talked to him for all of eleven minutes and told him how beautiful he was. By the end he had an additional phone number listed in his contacts.

Amelia took her order to go as she stood up, not in a hurry but with the air of a busy working woman, and regarded Sirius carefully. “I have a feeling you’ll make it big in this industry, Sirius.”

“You think so?” Sirius asked seriously, strangely shy at her scrutiny. He pushed his hair back nervously and asked, somewhat jokingly, “Like Kate Moss big?”

Amelia pulled her sunglasses down. “Even Kate Moss didn’t know she would be _the_ Kate Moss when she started.” She had promised Sirius a future, a chance to see the big world out there and he knew he would call her back.

To think of the coronary his mother would have if he told her about this; no doubt she would be on his case, telling him to return _home_ , start applying for University. He could practically hear the _‘for heaven’s sake, Sirius, stop these foolish little games. Go to university, find a nice girl; you’re not really gay.’_

*

Working hadn’t come easy to Sirius when he had signed up with Holyhead Models.

Five days in and Sirius was called into Amelia’s office along with seven other new faces. He had lost himself in the lingo as Amelia had told them about their test shoots for a portfolio, comp cards, photographers, locations, clients, how important it was to have a thick skin for their work, eat nutritiously…the words seemed to blur…Amelia’s hair was kind of fluffy today, the German guy in front of him had nicely toned arms…

“Sirius.” Sirius flinched from his daze and looked to see everyone’s eyes on him. He smiled charmingly of course and sat up straighter. Amelia scrutinized him moments longer before she looked around at the group. “I won’t be boring Mr. Black or you guys any longer with all the _talking_ , let’s go and meet Colin.”

“I’m a hands-on learner kind of guy, Miss Bones,” Sirius told Amelia with an innocent look. From in front, Mr. Nice Arms turned around to look at Sirius with a smile and his eyes widened for a second before Sirius schooled his face into neutrality. Nice Arms and the Bulgarian blonde beside him introduced themselves as Mario Weiss and Clara Ivanova. Sirius politely ignored the way the latter ate him up with her eyes as he shook hands with them.

Colin Creevey turned out to be a tiny man of twenty five years old who barely reached Sirius’ elbow, even after gelling his brown hair up; smiled a lot and waved his hands around. The camera around his neck was apparently not just for show. “Okay, I’ll finish up with the girls first and then I’ll get to you guys, cool?” Colin said chirpily and immediately busied himself with the youngest person in the group—fourteen year old Hannah Abbott.

Sirius wasn’t sure he liked the idea of heeling and sitting at a second’s notice to someone’s directions. He hadn’t given much thought to the work involved but as he looked at everyone—giggling or unable to hold neutral expressions, too stiff or even tripping on their own feet—he fidgeted on his seat; he should be able to do a good job, right? He bristled slightly when his name was finally called.

Sirius did pretty great—Colin’s words, not his. After that Colin wrapped up his gear and the group readied for a trip outside where the rest of the shoot would take place. Colin stopped in random places to click a photo here and there, then to an odd florist’s shop—the Leaky Cauldron—where they finally stopped for the day. Sirius was startled when Mario tapped his shoulder.

“Wanna go grab dinner?” Mario asked him with a glance over his shoulder at the others engaged in conversation in small groups. “Just us?”

Dinner with a good-looking guy who had lips that pretty much begged to be kissed? Sure. Sirius could do that as long as he kept his hands to himself despite the luring attraction; it came easily enough with years of practice.

*

Things were a bit of a blur from then on, going around, shooting here and there for his portfolio, Amelia treating the group once in a while until they were officially allowed to start working.

Work meant Sirius’ agent Rolanda Hooch calling him or handing him his daily schedule, heading to at least seven castings a day all in different areas, sleeping early because he was unable to stay up for long, waiting around during castings and shooting the breeze with Mario who had become something like his first new friend in the last eight years.

In short, Sirius was busy but bored. Pissed off. And worried; he didn’t even want to venture into that. There was only so much ‘no’ one could get accustomed to after all the work. All too soon he was itching to leave it all, drop this shit because nobody should have to put up with stony faced clients who disregarded him after one glance at his feminine face—sorry, _androgynous looks_ —and designers wanted real men. Simple as that.

 

_“Isn’t his hair a little too long?”_

_“Hmm. I’m not getting the vibe I want here. Are you sure you’re eighteen?”_

_“You’re going to have to work on those arms a bit more.”_

But then where would he go? _Home?_ Sirius knew why he kept at it despite the constant rejection.

Defiance. More than avoiding his family, he _wanted_ to make it where the very best were; had to make it to the top. As Sirius made his way through a bag of crisps, thinking, his phone rang and he saw James’ number. He couldn’t help grinning and answering immediately. James called him a string of colourful names when Sirius finally told him what was ‘up’.

“I can’t believe it, my best friend is a model. When did this happen?”

“It’s been almost a month now.” He closed his eyes as James went into a rant about his best friend being the worst best friend on the planet who left him out of everything. Sirius didn’t tell him about the refusals, he didn’t tell him about the way he was starting to fall into a pit wholly constructed by himself because he couldn’t brush off words that stung. The conversation wasn’t long enough to catch up as Sirius yawned.

“I’ll talk to you later. Promise,” Sirius added when James threatened to castrate him if he fell off the face of the Earth again. “Say ‘Hi’ to Red.” They hung up and Sirius plopped down onto his bed and promptly fell asleep.

*

“Tell me Sirius, are you gay? Because you look like one,” Dirk Creswell said snidely as he thumbed through Sirius’ portfolio before dropping it on the table in front of him.The creative director whose name Sirius didn’t bother with beside designer Creswell tried to hide a snigger behind her hand.

That had Sirius raising his brows and before he could help himself, “Do I? But I forgot my rainbows at home today.”

Peeved was just the word for the designer’s expression as he barked for the next model.

Sirius, barely controlling his anger picked up his portfolio and stalked out of the room. What the hell was that? Stereotyping bastard. No sooner had he stepped foot outside the building Sirius’ phone rang and he answered it.

“Sirius, I just got a call from Dirk.” Hooch sounded agitated, a rare occurrence. “What did you say to him? He’s livid!”

“Is he?” Sirius bit out, disbelievingly. “Hooch, he said I _looked_ gay.” Hooch was silent for a few seconds before she sighed heavily.

“Listen, Sirius. You do want to work, don’t you?” Sirius didn’t answer, mood darkening as he realised that she was not on his side here. “Answer me, Sirius.”

“Yeah,” he managed.

“Then cut the attitude!” Sirius bit his lip at the words loaded with frustration. “I’m telling you; your snark isn’t going to get you anywhere. Go and aplogise to him,” she added lowering her voice.

“Hooch—”

“And for God’s sake don’t mess up anything else.” She cut the line and Sirius kicked the wall beside him. Fuck! That hurt.

He didn’t return to the building and instead followed the rest of his schedule. By the end of the day he had made zero progress. Another day gone down the disgusting drain.

It wasn’t all that way though; Sirius had booked short campaigns for local brands and a feature in _Aragog_ Spring Look Book. What he needed was to be seen which was odd, considering how people had practically fallen at his feet at school.

*

“Sirius, please, you don’t have to babysit him; just show him the ropes,” Lily had pleaded and she rarely did; Sirius had given in.

“You said his name’s Remus Lupin? I’ll see what I can do,” Sirius told her in a placating tone even with an oncoming headache at the prospect of ‘showing the ropes’ to a new model. He wasn’t the right person to show anybody the ropes, let alone a naïve university dropout whom Amelia had scouted outside of UCL.

He was twenty now, two years in the fashion industry and while he wasn’t floundering around anymore he wasn’t still out there where he wanted to be. Sirius stood waiting with Alice Longbottom—coveted photographer who had shot for Gryffindor’s _Gold_ fragrance campaign—when the new models arrived at Hyde Park for test shoots. He waved at them genially, saw a really young teen blush and Dolores Umbridge gave him a critical once-over as she called out the models’ names and introduced them.

Sirius did a double take when she pointed out Remus Lupin; he was an unassuming, shy-looking thing in a thin white tee-shirt, so frail looking that a gust of a good wind would probably blow him away. Experience speaking, Sirius knew it was almost impossible for this Remus to thrive unless he filled up in the right places in spite of his glass-cutting cheekbones.

Then Remus gave him a fleeting smile when their eyes met and looked away. Sirius found his eyes on the young man looking for all the world as if he was shrouded in a blanket of blues and he had forgotten how to look _happy_. Though once Alice began shooting and it was Remus’ turn, it was obvious that he was still awkward in front of the camera. Alice tutted and asked him to stop looking like a ‘rusted tin soldier’. Ouch, lady.

Sirius rested his palm against the small of Remus’ back, holding back a grin at the startled reaction. “She wants something of a carefree vibe,” he reminded Remus. “Come on, think of something you pulled back at school.” At least Sirius hoped for something, Remus did _not_ look like the type to prank.

“There was this time my friends and I covered ourselves in nothing but leaves,” Remus started slowly, “for a deforestation and global warming awareness project.” 

Sirius laughed out unexpectedly at that. “How was that supposed to raise awareness of anything?” 

Remus shrugged. “I don’t know. It made sense at the time.” He smiled, something cheeky briefly appearing in the turn of his lips before it left and Sirius knew he was in a world of trouble when his stomach swooped without warning. He had overlooked it the first time but Remus was a looker, the type that one kept looking and looking at and at one point wondered how they hadn’t been captivated the first time itself. Alice cleared her throat and they resumed working.

“I think we would have been friends if you’d come to Hogwarts,” Sirius told Remus honestly when they were finally done, still taking in the light freckles, soulful eyes and sparse eyelashes; all of him was just so pale that if placed against a white background, Sirius was sure he would fade away.

“You mean we can’t be friends now?” Remus asked conversationally and jammed his hands in his pockets. “I’m just kidding,” he added hastily.

“No, it’s cool. I’d love to be friends,” Sirius said quickly before he could think and in fact, there was nothing wrong in being friends with a good-looking guy that he couldn’t stop _looking_ at. Remus seemed wary then, the morose expression returning.

“I know Lily must have told you to look out for me, but you don’t have to listen to her. I’m sure you’re busy, being a pro and all.”

Sirius did laugh, a bit bitterly at that. “Remus, everyone in this business is busy and I’m not a pro, so don’t start treating me like a celebrity yet.”

“I wasn’t sure what to expect with the way Lily talked about you.” Remus looked over his shoulder with a frown as Umbridge called him out; Sirius felt for him. “Well, anyway. I guess I’ll see you later.” He turned away and Sirius strangely felt a small part of himself leaving with him so he called out, hoping for the best.

“Hey, let’s get together sometime. I’m sure Red’s gonna be thrilled to know we’re getting along well.” Sirius silently cursed Umbridge’s shrill ‘Mr. Lupin, quick!’ but forgot all about it when Remus nodded, still frowning.

“’Red’ would be Lily,” Remus observed and then, “okay, I’ll call you some time.” He practically ran towards the group ready to leave.

Sirius supposed he should count his blessings; he could very well have been stuck with an agent like Dolores Umbridge.

*

Sirius was as busy as always but at least his efforts came with paychecks. Tokyo had been good, as had Shanghai where Hooch had sent him last year in hopes of building him up. His looks were just what clients there wanted. He had hated Seoul though, the gawking was on a whole other level.

A week had passed since the day he had met Remus without a single call from him. Sirius was a bit bummed out about it but the guy probably had other priorities. So when his phone rang at 7:30 P.M and he picked it expecting Hooch calling him for a last-minute casting, he nearly dropped his sandwich when he heard Remus on the line.

“Hey, sorry I didn’t call earlier,” Remus sounded apologetic. “Umbridge had my phone all week.”

“Umbridge confiscated your phone?” Sirius asked in disbelief, “you’re not twelve, where does she get off doing that?”

“Not in somebody’s lap for sure,” Remus remarked dryly. “She said she didn’t want me wasting time, can you believe her? God, are all agents here like that?”

“I think Umbridge is an exception,” Sirius told him, “Hooch is pretty cool so far. So what, does she set curfew or something?”

“I wouldn’t be surprised if she did,” Remus muttered, sounding a tad hopeless. “But as long as I work according to schedule, I should be fine. I think,” Remus added. Sirius’ heart went out to him.

Remus sighed heavily over the phone. “I was hoping we could spend some time together.” 

It was the honesty there Sirius could not resist. He looked down at his half-eaten sandwich and pushed it away. “Do you want to go out now? If you’re free, of course.”

“Yes,” Remus answered immediately and Sirius could only picture the way he perked up over the phone, wondering if maybe he was actually smiling.

*

“You’re already booking runway work?” Sirius asked, a little incredulous but also just a bit jealous. “That’s pretty fantastic for a new guy, it’ll get you out there.” Remus hummed. He looked better today, in fact, he looked ridiculously normal which made Sirius wonder if he had imagined the whole morose picture of Remus the other day.

However, Remus could smile and when he did, it was all Sirius saw. He had laughed at James, ridiculed him in fact when he had seemingly fallen in love with a red-headed girl at fourteen and _cried_ over it. They had been so young. Sirius regretted it in part now as his own feelings came at him from nowhere, threw him off balance because he had to restrain himself from saying too much, divulging too much and crossing boundaries that didn’t need to be crossed.

“It’s for a teen collection though,” Remus lamented a little, looking down at himself but then smiled. “I don’t know if it will make as big an impact as your debut runway though.” Sirius groaned making Remus chuckle.

“Don’t remind me,” Sirius said with an internal shudder, “Until I actually stepped on the runway all I kept thinking was how I would end up flashing everybody if I tripped or something.” It had been one crazy event.

Sirius’ big break had come after a year of working, in the form of Xeno Lovegood, a man who had probably lost a few marbles in the process of designing artful clothes. Watching his genderless collection—the first of many to come in years—had been like a train wreck that nobody could look away from. Neither could Sirius for that matter as he had waited backstage, anticipation churning in his gut while the stylist curled his short hair just before stepping on the runway.

It was all of forty seconds of practiced walk in clothes Sirius wouldn’t be caught dead in, but he’d known then, he’d known he wanted to be there again with the blood rushing in his veins and matching steps to the beat of unknown tunes. He had found himself backstage after the first round, breaking out of the trance that had set in on the runway, and was rushed away for his next outfit and again until he closed the show.

When the booming applause sounded, the stars found their way, glimmering in his grey eyes.

*

“Why all the way in London? There are plenty of good universities closer to home, aren’t there?” Sirius asked curiously as he indulged himself in a cigarette. Remus was pulling away on a stick beside him, cramped as they were in Sirius’ barely-there veranda.

Sirius hadn’t been able to resist inviting Remus over when he had wistfully mentioned missing having his own space in the two-bedroom model flat with eight other flat mates. Over the months the visits had become frequent and Sirius had found himself both a little lost in emotions and excited at the same time.

“I wanted to leave, get away from home. Go out there and see things,” Remus answered softly and held out a hand as if to touch the sky. “Don’t get me wrong, I liked it in Cardiff. I had friends and family but—”

“—but you wanted something more?” Sirius finished, understandingly. Remus nodded.

“Mum was so upset, she cried for days after I got my acceptance letter. And then baked a whole tin of biscuits so I wouldn’t starve myself.” 

Sirius didn’t miss the regretful tone. “She sounds nice. Very protective, I’m guessing,” he added to keep his own wistfulness at bay. 

Remus shook ash off his cigarette and glanced at Sirius before saying softly, “She was.” 

Oh. Sirius was at a loss when the words sunk in; Lily hadn’t told him about that and he thought of the usual ‘I’m sorry for your loss’ but Remus spoke up again before that. 

“You know, sometimes I forget that she’s gone and ring her and then I wonder why she isn’t answering—” his voice broke suddenly and he crushed his cigarette against the railing before turning around and hurrying through the door to Sirius’ room. 

Shit! He was leaving? Sirius put out his cigarette quickly and followed Remus to stop him.

“Remus, it’s okay,” Sirius called out as he placed a hand on Remus’ arm. 

Remus shook his hand off. “ _I’m_ not okay, Sirius. Look at me.” He spread his arms, amber eyes bright with unshed tears. “I’m a mess and it goes away but it always comes back.” 

Sirius’ heart clenched. He hated the way Remus hurt, and the way he was unable to say anything to make it better for him; no one had taught him how to deal with tears.

“Look, let’s sit. Calm down, alright?” Sirius tried as he tugged Remus’ hand. He resisted.

“I was failing, you know. Why d’you think I dropped out?” Remus asked bitterly even though Sirius hadn’t asked for an explanation. He listened though, thinking maybe Remus had actually not talked things out to anyone and just needed a shoulder.

“She died all of a sudden and I couldn’t keep up. Two terms straight. I just—failed.” Remus stopped abruptly, his shoulders sagging and Sirius took the chance to pull an unresisting Remus down beside him as he settled on his bed.

“I’m here, okay? You want to talk about her? Or anything else? I can call Lily if you want.” Sirius was rambling and Remus must have realised because he gave a watery chuckle.

“No way, she’d just worry.” He leaned against a pillow as Sirius waited, unsure. “It’s okay, I’m not gonna cry.” 

Sirius almost sighed in relief; he doubted very much that a hug would have sufficed. Did they have books on dealing with this kind of thing? 

“You don’t have to panic,” Remus told him and patted his hand patronisingly.

“I’m not panicking!” Sirius said indignantly. “I was trying to be a good friend.”

“Thank you. You’ve already been amazing, Sirius,” Remus told him in a heartfelt tone. 

Sirius looked away to hide his discomfort. His intentions hadn’t been solely pure after all. Then Sirius found Remus’ side pressing against him as he leaned into him and Sirius ran his fingers through the ashy brown hair. Maybe they still weren’t.

“Tell me about her. Your mum.”

*

Remus was having a good day; he had attended eight castings and got fitted for two of those. In one of those fittings the stylist had padded his chest under the button-down for definition. How the girls didn’t need them and he did was a mystery in itself but hey, work was work. He also hadn’t lost himself to grief today over Mum’s passing.

He had also had an interesting chat with his dad about...skin care of all things. Dad and uncle had grilled him like he was suddenly an expert on all things hair and skin now. Those darn, old men. Remus loved them and was so glad that Dad seemed to be doing better, now that he had moved in with uncle.

Remus’ phone pinged as soon as he entered his noisy flat, greeted by Davey Gudgeon on his 122nd push up and Mario singing loudly in German with two others. Remus waved at them and climbed up the ladder of his bunk bed to check his phone. He couldn’t help the smile at Sirius’ text.

Lily had told him very little and from what he had gathered, Sirius was a bit of an arrogant playboy with great hair. He hadn’t been prepared for the sweet charm Sirius had thrown at him, nor the friendship he’d given so easily. And the way he looked at Remus; if he were a ladies’ man, Remus would eat his _Aragog_ hat.

Sirius had had the misfortune of meeting him on his bad days and yet, yet he stayed in his life without running at the first sign of his emotional baggage. He let Remus into his haven, into his heart so he could reminisce about his mother and school, and Sirius in turn regaled him with events from Hogwarts that would have him laughing like there was no tomorrow. They would have made great friends back then and Remus could only be glad that he hadn’t missed Sirius in a world of billions of humans.

He didn’t think he should be giving away his heart so soon but honestly, it seemed to have a mind of its own as it left him and was slowly becoming a part of Sirius every day.

*

“Come on, Sirius. Drink up!” Mario handed a shot glass to Sirius and dropped something suspicious in it that Sirius was sure had come from the shady looking guy going around in the afterparty. The drug scene in L.A was somewhat more prevalent than in London, what with the influx of foreign models for the _Twilfitt & Tattings_ show. In fact, Sirius was expected to indulge himself.

Sirius swirled his drink, watching the others around him; no one seemed to be dying so he grinned and held out his glass. Bottoms up.

It shouldn't have surprised Sirius when Mario pulled him outside the building and kissed him. It was sloppy, messy and hotter than anything Sirius remembered. He’d missed this; the feel of a man.

He was sloshed enough that he didn't have to think of Remus when they rented a hotel room, barely in control as they pulled off their clothes. Sirius almost cried when he felt hard muscles under his hand as they fell into bed; how did he resist this every fucking day?

The thing about Mario was that he didn't expect or ask for more; he didn't want a relationship until he was sixty years old. When he told Sirius as such, he had released a relieved sigh and they had raced back to the model flat they had been assigned to pack and fly back to London.

Sirius felt strangely guilty when he saw Remus after returning but then shook it off with some difficulty; he wasn't _with_ Remus after all.

*

Sirius and Remus didn’t always end up at the same castings. That was when Sirius found himself busy with his phone, tapping away at buttons until his fingers hurt. He looked forward to Remus’ replies with a flutter in his chest that wouldn’t settle until they decided where to meet next, usually Sirius’ flat.

Remus, lounging on his sofa with one of Sirius’ cookbooks, was starting to look like a part of Sirius’ small flat. It made him dare to look beyond their easy camaraderie into a future that would probably never happen because relationships just didn’t survive in their world.

One lucky evening when both Sirius and Remus had finished work early, they were poring over an album of Sirius’ old pictures.

“Lily was so different,” Remus commented, tracing her face in the glossy photo. “Guess puberty hit her hard.” Sirius snorted at that; Lily had always been pretty, she just knew how to groom herself better now. “I’ve never met James or Peter. And you—wow.” Sirius watched curiously as Remus pulled the album closer to his face. “Lily wasn’t kidding when she said you were prettier than most girls, huh?” Sirius shrugged.

“I was young,” he said lamely but Remus seemed engrossed in the picture of Sirius at seventeen, his long hair down his lanky shoulders, as he traced his features over it. Sirius tried to divert Remus’ attention from the photo to the real thing. “Are you saying I’m not pretty now?”

“Stop fishing for compliments,” Remus said without looking up and then spared Sirius a glance. “Oh, come on. I think you’re extremely handsome now. Happy?”

“Very,” Sirius replied, unable to hide his smile at the compliment until Remus spoke up again.

“You had such beautiful hair though, why’d you cut it?” 

It was an innocent question, one that Sirius could answer honestly if he wanted to but it was one that carried bitterness with it even now. 

“Sirius, are you okay?” 

Sirius looked up when he felt the brush of fingertips against his face and he moved them away without letting go.

“There wasn’t much room for a pretty boy. I had to,” Sirius said softly, more to himself. He felt Remus’ eyes on him but he didn’t pry and Sirius was thankful for that.

When Sirius had still been new and unrelenting, garnering notoriety for being difficult, things had come to a head for him. During a shooting for Walden Macnair’s swimwear collection, he’d been turned, bent, and molded into postures by the photographer which was tiring but completely expected.

Unexpected had been the hands lingering on Sirius a little too long. Something in Sirius had snapped when the photographer’s fingers snaked below his waistline because _‘it didn’t quite look the way I need it to.’_

He couldn’t quite recall exactly what he had done but he remembered threatening to break the fucker’s fingers off.

Sirius couldn’t tell Hooch when she asked why she had a raging client on the phone, wondering if he would just be humiliated further for being so bloody vulnerable despite being a guy. So he had invited Mario over to his flat and drunk himself into a stupor.

“Listen, Sirius.” Mario had looked content lounging on Sirius’ bed as he shook his fourth can of beer and licked off the last drops. “I’ll tell you what Dolores, my agent tells me: ‘eyes and ears open, Mario, and mouth shut.’” He mimicked zipping his lips. “Understand?” 

Sirius did, he really did. The next time Hooch had sent him to a salon appointment, Sirius gave in, knowing it was the right thing to do.

He had wondered why he felt like he’d lost something precious when his hair fell around him with every snip of the hairdresser’s scissors.


	2. Chapter 2

Sirius was starting to hate winter.

He was freezing his arse off on a lounger beside a swimming pool and getting bronzed to take off the blue hue his hands had taken on. 

After the shoot, when he was painstakingly washing off the makeup his phone rang and he grinned when he saw Remus’ name.

“I hate winter,” Remus greeted him and he laughed. 

“Yeah, but look on the bright side,” Sirius told him while changing, “We get a whole week off for Christmas.”

“Five days,” Remus corrected but he sounded like he was smiling. “We should do something.”

“Yeah,” Sirius answered with a grin. “We should take a road trip. Just the two of us.”

“Seriously?” Remus asked, surprise evident in his voice before he let out a laugh. “I can’t believe I’m saying this: let’s do it.”

Later that week, on a rented motorcycle, they rode away out of London with their phones switched off. With Remus’ weight on his back and arms tight around him, Sirius couldn’t agree more with himself: the best decisions in life were the spontaneous ones.

“I’m so glad you grew out your hair again,” Remus told Sirius on their third day with a reverent smile. 

Sirius halted with his helmet in hand and Remus reached out to brush his hand through the long, dark locks. Sirius was sure he had lost his mind when he felt Remus’ face against his hair, his deep breath as he inhaled the scent of Sirius’ shampoo.

At this moment, _he_ was so glad that he had stubbornly fought off Hooch the last few months she had tried to send him for a haircut until she had given up with a _“at least get it straightened or something.”_

Remus pulled away without a word as he put on his helmet leaving Sirius flabbergasted. What on Earth was that? He saw the smile Remus was trying to hide and couldn’t help fumbling just a little with his own helmet before putting it on.

It was easy to care about someone, maybe even love them. There was nothing sweeter than knowing that maybe, just maybe, all of those feelings were reciprocated. But taking the next step, that very last one was not something Sirius was sure he could do. 

“I didn’t get you a gift,” Sirius shouted as they sped down the highway back to London on their last day.

“Neither did I. Next year,” Remus shouted back as the howling wind accompanied them, with Sirius’ arms tight around Remus this time.

*

Sirius Black was a good kid, Hooch would say. Once he had gotten his act-first-think-later attitude under control, of course. He was still a stubborn little shit though. While Lupin was a sweet kid, he was probably just as mischievous. No wonder those two got along so well; well enough to be called in to Umbridge’s office and reprimanded loud enough for everyone outside to hear.

Of course, Hooch, as Sirius’ agent, had been kindly asked to join Black and Lupin in the pink dominated office.

Hooch could see Sirius struggling to hold back his laugh when Umbridge pulled up at least three gossip websites showing pictures of him sitting in a trolley, legs dangling dangerously and Remus pushing it inside a _Ludo Bagman_ store.

“There’s a video, too,” Hooch pointed out helpfully, smirking. Sirius did wince then as he watched himself and Lupin crash into a clothes rack at the end of the short clip. Lupin rubbed the back of his head sheepishly.

Some alcohol had obviously been involved in their Christmas celebration.

“This is unacceptable behaviour, Mr. Lupin,” Umbridge scolded Remus in her tinny voice before lowering it. “I really thought you were a mature young man.” 

She cleared her throat in that annoying way she always did before speaking, “But now, I’m not sure if you have it in you to handle being a public figure.” 

Well, damn. Hooch saw the way Lupin’s face lost the humour; poor boy didn’t deserve that. More importantly, Sirius was gearing up for a retort so she stood up quickly.

“Dolores, if that’s all, I think it’s best if Black and Lupin get going.” She turned to the boys. “You have work starting tomorrow. Go home and reflect on what you’ve done.” That seemed to appease Umbridge. 

Hooch stopped at the door after the boys exited and turned to Umbridge. “You should take a look at the comments section,” she pointed at the computer. “That little video might just have increased Black and Lupin’s fanbase.” She shut the door on her way out and found Sirius and Lupin standing a few feet away.

“She’s a nightmare,” Sirius was saying and then, “You okay, Remus?”

“Lupin,” Hooch called and both Sirius and Remus turned to face her. “Don’t take everything she says to heart, you’re doing quite well.” 

Lupin blinked at her and gave her a small smile. “Yes, ma’am. Thank you.” 

Gentlemen were such a rarity. Hooch shooed them away with a put-upon frown. “Alright, get out of here, both of you.”

Sirius saluted her cheekily and she headed for the smoking room with a fond smile.

When Sirius had first arrived, he’d been something of a toothpick—a term most agents tended to throw around in regard to the waifish boys. While Hooch wasn’t a fan of it, she wasn’t above using it either. Most models were teenagers when they came to them, hopeful and so young, until they learned their way around. 

Being the CEO’s favourite allowed Dolores to get away with a lot; she tended to forget that those kids were really growing adults. 

Hooch frowned as she lit a cigarette; words were weapons of destruction when used wrongly and Dolores seemed to use them without restraint. Hooch herself was no saint; but at least, the people in their position could do was just be present as the supporting pillar. One had to only take a peek online to know just how entitled people felt about having a go at models.

Their industry was ever changing and where once Sirius hadn’t received a second glance, now he was starting to grace every runway and magazine. It was the way he made everything look good that designers thirsted for; a talent mastered by very few.

He had been a diamond in the rough then and Hooch couldn’t have been prouder of him for becoming the man he was now. Sirius had just been labelled as _Nurmengard_ ’s ‘crush of the season’; if Gellert Grindelwald—editor-in-chief of the most influential fashion magazine—had done that, then nothing could stand in Sirius' path to stardom.

*

“I’ve never seen someone look so intensely into a teacup.” Sirius seemed in high spirits, on a lunch-date, as he thumbed through Remus’ portfolio that had been updated recently. The photo that was apparently _so_ amusing was one from an editorial featured in last month’s issue of _The Quibbler_.

“I was supposedly looking at the grim,” Remus told him and when Sirius cocked a brow, “omen of death, apparently.”

“Right,” Sirius chuckled and squinted at the photo. “It’s a very good picture though. Who shot this again?”

“Trelawney,” Remus answered and Sirius whistled as he returned his portfolio, their fingers brushing. The photo was good, in fact, the whole editorial titled _The Divination Classroom_ looked spectacular in the magazine. 

Except that Trelawney had insisted on burning copious amounts of incense in the stuffy room for the _vibe_ and Remus had spent an entire day with a headache; pissed off because he got paid next to nothing for it. Editorials were like that, Sirius had told him; it was the exposure that was worth the effort.

“Umbridge says I should get a girlfriend,” Remus changed the topic as he stashed the portfolio in his bag. 

“What? Like you’re supposed to pick one from a display shelf?” Sirius remarked, sarcastically. “What did you tell her?” 

Remus let out a small chuckle. “Told her that dating Celestina Warbeck might distract me from my work, so she told me to man up and think about it seriously.”

“You don’t have to think about it if you don’t want to,” Sirius told him and then added, “I don’t like her songs.” 

It was an odd thing for Sirius to say and Remus pointed out as such, “You know, _I_ would be the one dating her. Doesn’t have anything to do with you.”

“Sure it does,” Sirius said easily as they got up, ready to leave the restaurant. Remus bit his lip to keep from smiling; those little signals were getting addictive.

Sirius grimaced as he ran his hand through his hair that was slightly longer now. “Damn it! I hate getting tangles. Could you comb them out for me later?” he asked Remus with a knowing smirk.

“Of course, Master Sirius.” Remus rolled his eyes but ruined the effect with a smile. He reached out and slid his fingers in the inky black hair only for them to get caught. Yeah, that was going to take some time.

*

“Ow! Watch it!” Sirius snapped when one of the girls pulled at his hair too hard. He ignored the “Diva” she muttered under her breath which was completely unfounded because he was _always_ well-behaved with the people he worked with, one of the reasons he was called back by clients. Today was a different story, however.

Remus was busy in a shoot all the way in Camden Town for _Fletcher’s Apparel_. Which was great, Sirius was happy for Remus. 

It just sucked that Remus didn’t seem to care much about his own birthday where Sirius had been excitedly making plans for the day until Remus informed him about his shoot. 

Sirius looked at the mirror, sulking. At least that would come in handy for the show about to launch sometime later.

Twenty minutes before the show, everyone was lining up in the sweltering backstage with their winged eyeliners being touched up when Sirius felt someone tap his shoulder.

“Hey, lucky guy. Nervous?” Mario asked from behind him. 

“Nah. Can’t wait.” Sirius couldn’t contain the grin, walking in a show for _Minerva McGonagall_ was an honour in itself. To be opening the show? Yeah, luck was definitely on his side. 

Except that Remus wasn’t there to congratulate him in person. Feeling irrationally cross, Sirius turned around. “Wanna come over tonight?” 

“Remus is busy, is he?” Mario asked playfully and patted Sirius’ shoulder gingerly so as not to damage the cloth. “Sure.”

Sirius’ spontaneity didn’t apparently always lead to good results, he realised after Mario left that night. Feeling strangely lonely then and willing sleep to come, he heard the ping of his phone. Probably Remus’ usual goodnight texts.

He ignored it as guilt suddenly bubbled up in him and fell asleep, fingers curled around his closed phone thinking of Remus.

*

“Going to see Sirius?” Mario asked with a smirk at Remus as he combed his hair and then mussed it up with a pump of hair mousse.

“None of your business,” Remus said with a wary look at the other man as he shrugged on a thin shirt and began buttoning it up.

“Nice,” Mario commented as he blatantly eyed Remus all the way from his head to toes. “Good luck with Sirius,” he called out teasingly as Remus headed outside.

Remus flipped him off, still mad about the _thing_ that had happened two nights ago. The _thing_ being something Remus did not want to dwell on at the moment. 

He flipped open his phone, thinking of texting Sirius but then thought better of it and pocketed it. Something had to be done about the pace at which Sirius and he were moving, which was honestly really damn slow.

He walked to Sirius’ building, trying to think how he could approach the subject of _them_. His stomach flip-flopped as he took the stairs up to the third floor. He rang the bell outside Sirius’ flat and waited, thinking that he should have at least planned this out before or something when the door was practically wrenched open.

“What on Earth kept you so busy that you couldn’t even be bothered to drop by?” were Sirius’ first words. He was pissed off, no doubt about it. “The only reason I knew you weren’t sick or something is because Mario told me so.”

Remus ignored the flash of annoyance at the mention of Mario’s name. He looked his fill of Sirius with a towel wrapped around his waist as he held the door open for his surprise guest. 

“Using my flat mates to keep tabs on me?” Remus asked with a sly smile he knew Sirius wouldn’t miss. Oh! Look at him practically devouring Remus with his eyes and not doing anything about it.

“I’ll thank him for that,” Remus said easily and stepped around Sirius into his flat, immediately heading for the fridge and gulping down half a bottle of water. He had missed being in Sirius’ flat for the three weeks he had stayed away.

“So?” Sirius had his arms crossed on his bare chest and Remus thanked the weather Gods for humid summers and Sirius’ penchant for remaining shirtless for as long as possible.

“I was busy. Working out,” Remus added as he sat down on the soft sofa that was pretty much his by now.

Sirius smirked with a glance at him as he rubbed his hair with another towel. “Is that so? Finally got those abs you were dying for?”

“Yeah, look,” Remus said raising the hem of his shirt enough for Sirius to stop what he was doing and look at him.

Sirius turned away quickly. “Right,” he replied lightly. “I guess you can see them if you squint.”

“Hey!” Remus did take offence to that and he shot up from the sofa advancing towards Sirius, stopping when there were barely inches between them. Sirius’ eyes widened a fraction as he leaned back.

Remus’ hand shot out to grip around Sirius’ left wrist without thinking. “They’re really there,” he said and brought Sirius’ hand forward and placed it just over the waistband of his trousers. At the touch, his stomach fluttered as he realised what he had done in haste. 

Oh, what the hell. He threw caution to the wind; isn’t that what he had come for anyway?

“You can feel it, see?” He didn’t take off his eyes from the way Sirius’ gaze heated and his lips parted.

“Yeah.” Sirius’ voice had gone low. He seemed to be fighting with himself as his hand clenched and unclenched over the thin material of Remus’ shirt.

Remus took the chance to push Sirius’ hand up under his shirt, emboldened by the searing heat between them. He dragged Sirius’ hand further up until it rested on his chest; he had to know the way Remus’ heart was thundering beneath his hand.

Sirius’ eyes locked onto his, smouldering before they flicked down to his lips and Remus couldn’t wait any longer. “Sirius,” he whispered as Sirius leaned forward infinitesimally and Remus took that last step to close the distance.

He had thought about kissing Sirius for over a year, fantasised about it more than was normal but those would never measure up to what was happening now. For a second, it felt like free-falling, like being swept away under the sensation of the kiss and then like fireworks exploding in the very space they occupied.

Remus inhaled, feeling the softness of Sirius’ hair tangled between his fingers and the hard planes of his body against him. He couldn’t help the groan that escaped when Sirius’ hands settled on his waist to pull him closer.

Instead, Sirius pulled away from him and instantly stepped back several paces.

“I don’t do guys, Remus,” Sirius said harshly, breathing still ragged, his burning gaze not leaving Remus’.

Remus stood still as the words registered and he cursed his voice when it came out croaky, “What?” 

Sirius looked pained for a moment, then turned on his heel and brushed past Remus who had frozen on the spot. “I need clothes for this conversation.”

That jolted Remus out of his daze and he followed Sirius to his room, annoyance spurring him. “That’s a lie, Sirius, and you know it.”

“Don’t call me a liar!” Sirius snapped at him as he pulled out a pair of jeans from his wardrobe and pulled them on, Remus gazing appreciatively even as mad as he was.

Annoyance and hurt warred within Remus. He waited for Sirius to don a tee-shirt before biting out the words that tasted bitter on his tongue, “From what I hear, you and Mario have been getting it on an awful lot for a while now.”

Sirius’ head whipped to face him, shock written all over it. Then he scowled and flung the towels at his bed before he turned to face Remus, jaw clenched. “Yeah, so what? Now you want a piece of me, too?”

“What? No. It’s not like that,” Remus backtracked quickly; this wasn’t how he had envisioned the conversation to go at all. “I just—” he hesitated, knowing how pathetic he would sound but leaving things as they were? He would regret not taking the chance later on. So he took a deep breath and did.

“Why him and not me?”

The fish out of water look was foreign on Sirius. It was only a few torturous seconds though after which he schooled his face into neutrality for delivering the unexpected blow. “It’s different with him.”

With those words came the horrible realisation that maybe Remus had read all the signs wrong. That just because Sirius was gay, touched him a lot and spent whatever free time with him didn’t mean he _liked_ Remus any more than as just friends. If Mario was his type, Remus was nothing close it.

Remus looked up numbly when Sirius called him out softly and the concern there hurt his heart. “I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have come onto you like that.”

He didn’t notice when his feet had led him from the room to the main door until his hand closed around the doorknob and Sirius’ heavy steps sounded behind him.

“Remus. You don’t have to go.”

Remus answered by making his way out of the flat without a backward glance. He hailed a taxi and automatically gave the driver his address, too drained to walk to his flat. His mood however soured upon entering his room and finding Mario in front of their dressing table.

“Back so soon?” Mario asked, sounding surprised. “Did you forget something?”

Remus threw him a dirty glare before climbing up the ladder to his bed and bid Mario the only kind of goodnight he wanted to.

“Fuck off.”

*

“Come here,” Sirius hissed in Mario’s ear and pulled him away from their spot in the line as they were waiting for their turn to be called. “Why did you tell Remus about us?”

“There’s an ‘us’?” Mario asked innocently and then held up his hands at Sirius’ stony gaze. “It just happened. We were working out and I was helping him. I’m sure you can imagine just how hot he looked.”

Sirius actually could and the influx of images of Remus with muscles flexing and bunching almost made him forget his words before he realised what Mario had just said. “Wait, what?”

“So I kissed him,” Mario went on, oblivious to Sirius’ disbelief.

The flare of jealousy at what Mario revealed startled Sirius; not for Mario but the very thought that he had dared to _kiss_ Remus had him clenching his fists. 

Barely reining in the urge to slug the tosser right there in front of everyone, he asked what he needed to know even as he dreaded the answer, “And what did he do?”

“Said he liked you and I told him to go for it cuz you’re great in bed.” Then Mario smiled slowly and raised the right leg of his trousers slightly to reveal a dark bruise. “He kicked me when I asked him if I could have a three-way with you guys.”

Sirius stared at the man in front of him, speechless. He had never met someone so flighty with such little consideration of self-preservation. 

“You’re crazy,” Sirius said finally as he shook his head in amazement. “You should be glad Remus didn’t punch you in the face.” 

“Remus is a sweetheart; wouldn't damage my tool of trade, he said,” Mario told Sirius and seemed to enjoy the way it ticked him off. “It still hurts though.”

Good. He deserved it.

*

Sirius flipped open his phone and closed it again, tense as he worked up the courage to call Remus.

Over two weeks since the kiss and no word from Remus. He knew for a fact that Remus had been busy for an editorial in _Flourish_ magazine. But truth was, Remus was probably actively avoiding him.

Sirius mentally cursed himself as he kept returning to that night’s conversation; how could he have messed up so badly in a moment of panic? Frankly, he wasn’t sure where to start for making up with Remus. 

The kiss was one thing, it wouldn’t stop replaying in his head day in and out. He had held out when he hadn’t known what Remus tasted like but it was starting to seem impossible to not give in. 

More than that, it was the thought of losing Remus and his friendship that threatened to break him. What if Remus never talked to him again?

His phone rang in his hand and he almost dropped it before answering. “James?”

“Sirius, are you busy? I need to talk to you about something?” James asked, sounding unlike himself and Sirius was immediately concerned.

“Yeah, go on.” Sirius listened to his best friend with rapt attention until he stopped talking.

“James,” Sirius started, “Long distance relationships are always hard, okay? But that doesn’t mean you can’t work it out.” 

“But we—”

“Look, it’s not the end of the world,” Sirius interrupted, feeling irrationally cross. James had it easy and the idiot wanted to go and break it off? “You’re not even done with university; there’s time, okay? If Red isn’t the one, you’ll find someone else.”

“But I don’t want anyone else,” James whined and Sirius just lost it.

“Then you have your answer right there! For Christ’s sake just talk it out!” 

James remained silent at the outburst before speaking. “Sirius, I—” he paused, probably thinking for once. “You’re right. But now I’m not sure why I called you up for something as simple as this.” 

Sirius breathed in deeply and allowed himself a smile. “For my insightful advice, I suppose.” 

“Right.” James was probably rolling his eyes. “So, can _I_ help with any love advice?” he asked, clearly not expecting Sirius to consider it.

“Actually,” Sirius began, hesitated and then thought ‘what the hell’ before continuing, “I wouldn’t say ‘love’ but yeah, there’s someone.”

For five long minutes Sirius talked and then James cleared his throat. “So, this person kissed you? And you like this person too?”

“Yes,” Sirius said, rolling his eyes. “If you’d stop repeating my words—”

“Can we at least use a code name if you’re not gonna tell me who it is?” James interrupted, sounding exasperated. “Like Buttercup or something?”

“Buttercup?” Sirius asked skeptically and then gave up. “Fine, whatever. Okay.”

“Good,” James agreed. “So, what’s stopping you from getting together with this Buttercup?”

“It’s not easy, James.” Sirius rubbed his forehead. “It’s like this—if we have a falling out, I don’t think—” He broke off, unable to say it out loud because Remus and he were already in the middle of falling out and, oh God, now they would never—

“Hey, Sirius,” James’ voice came through. “When did you stop going after something that you want?”

“Remus isn’t something, James.” Sirius didn’t notice the slip until seconds later when James didn’t reply. Oh. Fuck. “Ja—”

“Remus is Buttercup? That’s what you were keeping from me?” James sounded genuinely confused and in turn it confused Sirius.

“James,” Sirius started cautiously, hopeful and afraid at the same time. “Do you get what I’m saying? I’m talking about Remus Lupin; the model, the _guy_ , Lily—”

“I know who he is,” James sounded offended that Sirius would even question his knowledge. “His picture’s all over the walls in stores. He looks like he’d be a nice guy.”

“The nicest, James,” Sirius couldn’t help inserting.

“Oh my god.” James laughed suddenly. “You’re smiling. I can practically hear you smiling from here, man.”

“Don’t be daft, you can’t _hear_ a smile,” Sirius argued even as his lips seemed to stretch into a smile on their own.

“Sirius, are you done talking? I want to call Lily.” 

“James, are you really okay with it?” Sirius couldn’t help asking just to be sure and heard a giant sigh on the other end.

“As long as it makes you happy, whether it’s Buttercup or anyone else, I’m okay with it.” 

Sirius let out a laugh as he bid James goodbye. His shoulders sagged in relief as he felt a giant weight lift off, not completely, but enough for now.

*

This was the last situation Sirius would have thought to find himself in; surrounded by high trees and unknown plants, pressed up against Remus and hiding from the crew who were packing up after shooting an editorial to be featured in _The Quibbler_.

Sirius had arrived at the location where Remus was working and pretty much kidnapped him for a long talk.

“Can’t you shut up for a second?” Sirius hissed at Remus whose protests were muffled by Sirius’ hand over his mouth. He peeked over a giant leaf to make sure they were alone before removing his hand.

“What are you doing here?” Remus whispered loudly and then tried pushing Sirius away. “Move over, you oaf!”

“No, not letting you go again.” Sirius circled his arms around Remus’ waist and looked at him. “Are you supposed to be a genderbent Red Riding Hood?” he asked, sliding the material of the scarlet cape Remus was wearing between his fingers. 

“Yeah,” Remus answered and then grimaced. “Seriously, move. This thing’s way too hot.”

 _‘You’re too hot’_ , Sirius thought as he stepped back and Remus tugged off the cape. “I like the boots,” Sirius offered.

“I know right? I hope they let me keep these” Remus grinned as he looked down and then suddenly he looked up with a frown. “No—wait! Why are you here, Sirius? We could have met somewhere more...normal,” he added, gesturing to the forestland around them.

“But you haven’t called,” Sirius huffed, agitation setting in. “And you haven’t been coming over either. I know you’re upset but please, Remus. I can’t go back to being strangers, not after all this time.”

Remus observed him with something like a smile. “You’ve actually thought all of that?” He shook his head before replying, “I was waiting for _you_ to call.” As if that was obvious.

“I—” Sirius stopped trying to reason because if he stopped to think about it, he was the one who been in the wrong. He decided to just let his heart do the talking.

“I don’t want to lose you,” Sirius said slowly. He gulped, finally about to voice out what he had been keeping to himself for months. Bloody hell; this was hard. He took a deep breath.

“Remus, I think you misunderstood something that night. It’s not that I don’t want you. I do; so much that it’s driving me crazy.” He reached out and grasped Remus’ hands in his. “When I said that it was different with Mario, I meant to tell you that—it’s—” He stopped, trying to find the words.

“Go on,” Remus urged softly.

Sirius inhaled again and fixed his eyes on Remus. “What I mean is that _you_ are different; special. And what I had with Mario was nothing like what I want with you. I mean, that guy—”

“In short, you want me to be your boyfriend,” Remus interrupted impatiently. Sirius blinked and then smiled sweetly, his heart soaring as he squeezed Remus’ hands gently.

“Yeah, that’s it.” Sirius closed his eyes and leaned in for the inevitable kiss that was supposed to follow. 

“I knew it!” Remus shouted, ruining the moment as he forcefully threw his hands up, essentially dislodging their previously entwinement. “You arse! Do you know how bloody terrible I felt all these days? And you wouldn’t even—” 

“Remus,” Sirius interrupted the rant because he hadn’t still disclosed the one thing that could make or break the situation. “I’ve never had a proper boyfriend because—I—” Sirius didn’t remember stumbling over his words like this, ever. Where was all that innate charm now? 

“I’m not really out to anyone. Except James.” There; he said it. 

Remus looked at him and then away very seriously. He was quiet for so long that Sirius knew, he just knew that Remus was trying to turn him down gently. And why wouldn’t he? Remus deserved someone better than a closeted coward. 

“You know,” Remus finally spoke up, and Sirius steeled himself with a tight smile. “I don’t make it a point to hide myself but I’m not exactly out either; even my dad doesn’t know about it.” He stepped closer to Sirius and reached out to cup his jaw. “Is it a deal breaker?”

Sirius leaned into the touch, surprised. “Not for me, it’s not. But what about you? I mean, we can’t do this—” he motioned between them, “—touchy-feely thing in public.”

Remus rolled his eyes then. “Such eloquence, Sirius. Can we just take this one step at a time? Just because we’d be going out doesn’t mean we have to shout our undying love from rooftops.” He stepped closer. “There’s nothing wrong in being afraid. Coming out or not is completely your choice. Whenever—if you’re ready, I’ll be here,” he added softly.

Of course he would, of course Remus was just the most beautiful human Sirius had ever met. He rubbed a spot on the back of Remus’ hand absent-mindedly, unable to stop smiling until Remus nudged him.

“Are you done worrying? Because I feel like people might come looking for us and I’m dying to kiss you right now.” Sirius had to laugh then, relief washing over him before he decided that Remus needed to be kept alive and leaned in. 

When they kissed, Sirius stopped holding on to his heart and finally let it fly across just those few inches between them and into Remus’ hands.

The End


End file.
